I've been a stay-at-home parent for seven years now. That's a really long time. Some days it feels like forever. Our life with two under two was difficult in so many ways that now our children are school aged and gone most of the day I expected things to get easier.
When they didn't, I thought, "What's the problem now? What else do you want, Amber?"
The short answer was: I want something for myself. The long answer involves a great deal of introspection, the kind that has you take a deep look at yourself. What was important to me, besides the children? What were my goals? What was I going to do with myself now my tenure as a SAHM was over?
In Romania I had no car, very few friends and far too much time on my hands. Here I have a lot more luxuries afforded to me and I made a promise to myself to take full advantage of them. Here I promised myself to be more aware of my life and my role in it.
I came up with a list of things I recognized would improve my demeanor. I am in charge of my mood and I recognized I needed some help to embrace all I've been lucky enough to have. I recognized how important it was to hold onto ME: the Mom who does everything BUT earn a paycheck. For too long I got caught up on the fact I didn't have a job. But I do have a job, I have many of them and until I have one outside of the home I needed to survive with my sanity intact.
Cue, the list.
I made a list of things helps me squeeze the most wonderful out of the every day. The habitual, commonplace, everyday. The everyday I'm so lucky to have.
(1) Set an alarm.
When I wake up before the kids I have a chance to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, put a pot of tea on, check my email, read a bit of my GoogleReader. Simple, silly things that are for ME. If I wake up at the same time as the kids I feel rushed to get to all the household chores that need to be done in the morning like unloading the dishwasher, starting laundry, making breakfast, packing backpacks/etc. Just an extra fifteen minutes helps take back some ME time.
(2) Go to the gym.
I can run outside, even in the cold weather. The truth is the gym is a place I can go and watch the news and work out at the same time, two things that are important to me. Afterward I can take a shower, get dressed (in real clothes!) and put on some make up. These three things invigorate (and exercise basic hygiene that is too easy to neglect when you have no where to go and all day to get there) me so!
(3) Work at the library.
Graduate school is about two things, reading (reading and reading and more reading) and writing papers. It's also about research depending on your field of psychology but I'm not pursuing the clinical side of things so I dodged that bullet. Anyway, I digress. I have to read a lot and write a lot and I don't have to do that trapped in the house. So I go to the library for a few hours for a change of scenery. When I want to treat myself, I go to Starbucks or Panera or a place with free Wi-Fi, get myself something sweet to drink and indulge. While working, of course.
(4) Plan meals.
I don't do domestication all that well. I know, that's surprising coming from a person who has been a SAHM for seven years. But I'm just not that good at it. Cooking is not enjoyable for me and after all this time it doesn't appear to getting any more fun. So I plan what I'll make, from the day I go to the grocery store I know what's in my fridge. I give myself a list of available meals for flexibility (so I don't HAVE to make meatloaf on Tuesday when I'm rushed with swim lessons) and I don't feel so confined by the task of making dinner. Daily for the last seven years killmenow.
(5) Smile at my children.
Raising kids is hard. Raising two kids that are polar opposite and require two different things simultaneously is also hard. It's taxing when you're doing it on your own 85% of the time. So I have had to adapt in a variety of ways to help my household run more smoothly. One way I do that is to smile more. This can be hard when WHYOHWHY did Aiden decide he needed to spend twenty five minutes in the bathroom right when we need to leave for school? WHYOHWHY does it matter to Riley which hairtie she's wearing and does it match her shoes/shirt/backpack? So I take a deep breath and smile. It's contagious. I need to smile at my children.
(6) My husband matters.
When he's away, it's difficult to remember we're doing this together. I feel alone and I go on the defensive. But he supports me every single time, no matter what. I have to remember even when I'm tired and cranky and just want to shut off that he deserves my attention as well. My husband MATTERS.
(7) Tomorrow is another day.
Sometimes things can't get done today. Sometimes I don't have the right materials, I run out of time or (often) I run out of energy. The most important things will always get done. The rest, can wait. Tomorrow is another day.
(8) Love today.
I can get caught up in looking ahead. When I finish my coursework, when I finish my internships, when I sit for my Boards, when I'm a practicing therapist, whenwhenwhenwhen. Today is good too. Today is a stepping stone to the future of some things. But today is also the future of my yesterdays. When I think about the woman with two under two, how she SO looked forward to a few moments alone to read/do a Suduku puzzle/go to the gym/pee without an audience...I realize, TODAY is the day that woman waited for. Today is worth valuing, cherishing, remembering. Love today.
